50 People Try To Clean Mushrooms

I'm kinda just like a mushroom, I'm a fun guy!

[bouncy music]

How do I clean mushrooms?

I don't even know!

[muted yelling]

OK, we're gonna go with these wipeys, baby wipes.

Is there water?

Throw it in the water. Iww!

Screw this!

I have not actually touched mushrooms before.

It's a little weird.

This all we're doing is cleaning mushrooms?

Dump in the water [slurring] a little bit.

Oh, just kidding.

I guess you have to take time.

Rub them like this.

Leave them in there for a minute to get any residual--

Is there some type of solution that I'm supposed to use?

Anyone planning on eating these after I clean them?

I think you should be scared. [laughing]

What beautiful mushroom water I have now.

You put this in the moonlight with some crystals.

Ooh. There's those fairy tales

where they live under mushrooms

'cause they actually can get pretty big.

Like all kinds of black stuff coming through.

What is this brown stuff? Is it dirt?

I think that it's dirt. Dirt?

It's just dirt. Dirt.

Dirt. Dirt.

Dirt? Dirt.

Definitely dirt. My grandmother used to say,

Everybody has to eat a peck 'o dirt before they die.

I don't know if anyone's aware of this,

but they're grown in horse stuff.

The toothbrush is calling me.

'Cause I want to get into every nook and cranny.

[laughing] I feel like I'm brushing its hair.

My little doll.

♪ La la la ♪

Looking like polished teeth.

[blowing] What the?

This is falling apart.

It's taking the skin off. Does mushroom have skin?

It's taking off a lot. [scraping]

Oh my God, it's like disappearing.

[laughing]

They're slimy. A little slimy.

Slimy.

So clean it slipped outta my hand.

Cutting it, will get the dirt out.

This is not making me like mushrooms any more.

I just know them as a pizza topping

and I don't like them as that.

They remind me of aliens.

Fucking, it's like gills. I hate mushrooms

because they are fungus.

I don't understand who was the first person

to pick these off the ground

and said let me just try this.

When I came back from vacation this summer,

there was a mushroom growing from my ceiling.

I had to spray it down with bleach.

Do we have any bleach here?

They're clean! Semi-clean mushrooms.

Lost one, but that's OK.

Clean. Clean mushrooms.

I don't think I did anything.

They look dirtier than when I started, let's be real here.

[laughing] Shiny clean mushrooms.

Actually some of them are still dirty. [laughing]

Ooh! There's water in this?

Well fuck!

I'm gonna clean these mushrooms.

Let's get cleanin'.

This is a very dirty mushroom.

Get a paper towel or somethin, a cloth.

Just take a little water.

Don't want it to be too wet.

Wipe off any excess dirt.

Gently brush.

You don't wanna break the mushroom down.

[blowing] Right.

You can use the back of a knife

and just move that stuff.

Look at these beautiful mushrooms.

I don't want to use water

'cause water tends to get 'em all soggy and stuff.

'Cause mushrooms will absorb lots and lots of water.

A toothbrush will help. [classical violin]

If you guys ever want to paint a mushroom,

this is how you do it. I feel like Picasso.

You can cheat and do that,

and that'll take care of a lot of the bottom stuff as well.

Usually I don't mind if there's a little bit of dirt

on them because it sorta disappears when you cook them.

Dirt's not gonna kill you though, right?

Or it might. [laughing] The sediment

is usually dirt from the soil

that the mushrooms are harvested from.

I never buy mushrooms, but I will eat them.

Frankly, they freak me out.

I don't know which ones will kill me or not.

Mushrooms are fungus.

And fungus is very valuable to an ecosystem

but not valuable to my taste buds.

[humming]

Done! That's it.

All you have to do is wipe 'em off.

Here we have it.

Behold, clean mushrooms.

Clean mushrooms.

[music rewinding]

We're going to clean some mushrooms

and we're starting with a basic white button mushroom.

Commonly people want to take the mushroom

and submerge it into a bowl of water.

But submerging them in water, they act like a sponge.

They're gonna start to absorb that water.

And then when we go to cook them,

they're gonna release the water,

and they'll just get soggy and mushy.

So what I actually like to do for a mushroom

is just use a very slightly damp paper towel.

First wipe away anything that's loose on the surface,

working my way around.

Now if I'm using a mushroom like a chanterelle

or a morel mushroom,

something with a lot of nooks and crannies,

I may want to grab a brush or even a toothbrush to do so.

But something that's smooth

like a typical portobello mushroom

or a cremini or a button mushroom, all I really need

is a damp paper towel, then I'm good to go.

And that's our clean mushroom.

Clean mushrooms.

Clean mushrooms in dirt soup.

So clean and pristine.

Actually there's some dirt on that one.

But you know. [laughing]

Yeah these mushrooms are clean enough for me.

They're cleaner than they were, if you look at the water.