Pro Chefs Blind Taste Test Every Hot Dog

[Presenter] We've gathered three hotdog experts

to blind taste test every hotdog brand

we could get our hands on

to see which ones meet their standards.

[lively classical music]

[packages thunks]

Nathan's Famous Natural Casing Beef Frankfurters.

I like that it takes up the whole bun and then some.

I hate when a hotdog is like too short for the bun.

This looks like natural casing.

Something that makes the difference to me

in a hotdog experience.

When those juices and steam relax,

it stretch out that casing

and it kind of gives it that sort of wrinkly appearance.

So what I'm looking for in a hotdog primarily is

that really nice snap when you bite into it.

So what's primarily gonna give the hotdog

that really nice snap is using a natural casing.

An artificial casing just doesn't do it,

or caseless just doesn't do it for me.

I'm looking for a texture that's plump

and bouncy within that meat.

And what's gonna give the hotdog that bounce

is a really solid emulsification.

You really want a hotdog to be consistent

and as you bite through it,

you want a homogenous look to it.

When you bite into a hotdog, it should be super juicy

and that's gonna be a result of all the fat

and the water being emulsified into that meat mixture

that's being stuffed into that casing.

By no means should a hotdog be dry.

I'm looking for a hotdog that has a balance of flavors.

The spices are very important,

so when hotdogs are made in a more inexpensive manner,

the first thing that is subtracted

to make something less expensive are the spices.

The balance is just right.

You don't want the seasonings to overpower the meat

and you don't want it to be under seasoned

so that perfect balance is what's gonna make

for that incredible flavor of the hotdog.

It's very juicy.

As we can see,

this has the bouncy consistency that a hotdog should have.

It's a really good hotdog.

There was no shortcut in spices here,

can taste that garlic I could taste that smoke.

This is exactly what I'm looking for in a hotdog.

I get that initial snap of that casing,

which is really telling me

that it's a natural casing hotdog.

A natural casing is a sheep intestine, generally.

When hotdogs are made in natural casing,

they're hung, that's where the smoke is added on

and it needs to be the right amount of time

with the right amount of humidity in that room

so that I get the snap

and not something that's chewy or brittle.

Is it Nathan's?

Boom! Bingo, look at that.

The classic Nathan's hotdog,

Coney Island was one of the first places

in the United States to actually feature a hotdog.

It was brought in by German immigrants.

The gentleman, Feltman was his last name,

started selling hotdogs

for 10 cents a hotdog back in like 1860.

One of the employees, this guy named Nathan

started his own hotdog company and became super famous

and one of the most recognizable hotdogs on the market

that we all know and love today.

No fillers or byproducts.

So no fillers is no bulking agents

like soy protein or corn flour

and no byproducts is no like offal

or mechanically separated meat.

You might know of it as pink slime.

It doesn't really sound appealing.

It's actually a safe product, but very pasty.

But it does help make a hotdog less expensive.

Knowing that you're having a hotdog made

with something from a whole muscle meat

is a really high indication of a great quality hotdog.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Sabrett Natural Casing Beef Frankfurters.

I mean this one is a lot plumper. It's glistening.

They're going high hitters right out of the gates.

It looks like another natural casing.

Color and texture looks very similar

to the past hotdog that we just had.

Color's important to me with a hotdog.

When you get that nice reddish brown, it's really the smoke

and the seasonings that come out.

I also find that when the color is lighter,

it's not just beef.

Another really great snap on that hotdog,

this hotdog's a little bit saltier than the last one.

A little bit more smoked than spice.

It has a good snap and it's very juicy

and bouncy and plump.

You can see the emulsion in there.

It's just like perfectly smooth meat.

A hotdog sort of differs from a sausage

and then it goes a step further in its emulsification.

The process of making a hotdog is to first take meats

and to run 'em through a bowl chopper.

What a bowl chopper does is it's essentially a huge

commercial sized bowl

and it has these blades that just spin around

and it's taking meat down to very small particles.

There's a lot of friction and that can cause heat

and emulsification is gonna break down

at a certain temperature.

One of the most important things is

keeping that meat super cold.

If the emulsification is broken

it would feel kind of mushy in your mouth.

Ice water and ice are used to add in

to keep the temperature down.

hotdogs are precooked because if they weren't,

it'd be really hard to hold

that emulsion in the post cooking process.

It is possible that this is Sabrett.

Is it Sabre or Sabrett?

Oh. [package thunking]

There we go, two for two.

And it does have a really like beefy flavor,

which is nice.

I think it was just a little too salty for me.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Oscar Mayer Bun Length Beef Franks.

The presentation's awesome.

It kind of scares me a little bit.

My first impression is I think it maybe

doesn't have a casing on it.

When it leaves these little like wrinkles

and there's no tail on it,

generally that means it was stuffed

into some kind of cellulose casing

that's then peeled off.

When I break it open, I can see right away

that it's a fine consistency, it's juicy.

There's no snap.

We have deviated in some capacity.

Kind of across the board,

all skinless hotdogs are gonna lack a snap

because there's no casing on them.

It's texture is almost falling apart

and as I bite it, it's not really bouncy.

It's not holding together.

Leaving that sort of texture of it being kind of spongy

in not a great way is usually when there's additives

put into the hotdog.

I'm not loving it.

It has a very, very strong

kind of artificial smoke flavor.

Hit me like right outta the gate.

Is it Oscar Mayer?

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

Oscar Mayer, this makes sense to me.

As I'm going through this ingredient list.

Sodium phosphate is something

that's very often commonly found

in commercial produced hotdogs.

It's a moisture retaining ingredient.

It's gonna keep those hotdogs really plump

and really juicy.

It's also gonna help with the emulsion factor to it.

Sodium nitrite is gonna be used as a curing agent

and it's gonna help also preserve the color, and nitrites,

they can produce a compound called nitrosamines,

which are carcinogenic.

And you could see in the order

of prominence it's listed last

because it's the smallest ingredient.

It is a really, really tiny amount that you're using.

Not eaten in such great density, it's harmless.

The reason why it's allowed in hotdog

is because it kills botulism.

I would say it's safer than botulism, yeah, for sure.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Applegate's Natural Uncured Beef Hotdogs.

Looking to be a skinless hotdog.

Some has like a really gorgeous burnished tan.

I could smell the smoking going through it

without even biting into it.

When I open it, mm, not much snap.

I'm getting a lot of nutmeg,

nutmeg's kind of coming down through it

pretty predominantly.

It's definitely very bouncy. It's like extremely firm.

It is juicy.

What's keeping the juice in there really

is the emulsification.

When the myosin in the muscle is broken down

and the presence of salt, it creates this like web

that's catching all of the fat and water.

When you bite into it, you're biting into those little cells

that are holding all of the water and the fat?

It's actually very grainy,

but this is more of a smoked sausage to me than a hotdog.

Is it Applegate?

Applegate.

What's amazing about these is

that they are using a hundred percent pastured

and grass fed beef and you can actually really taste that

'cause it has a much stronger beef flavor it.

So all beef is grass fed for about 70% of its life.

The last 30% finished off on grain,

in this case finished off on grass.

So grass fed beef takes about three

or four times longer to grow to the same size

as something grain finished, has a larger carbon footprint

and this is going to be uncured.

Just because something's marketed as uncured

does not mean that it is incured.

They're using celery powder

and cherry powder, which are two very acceptable nitrites.

They still act the same way within your body.

I've had to talk to the USCA a lot about celery powder.

It's like a really hot topic in the cured meat community.

As far as a skinless hotdog goes,

this is something I'd probably give to my kids.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Bar-S Classic Franks.

Why does that hotdog get lost in that bun?

And see that the hotdog is probably a full inch smaller

than this traditional hotdog bun.

On some hotdog packaging, believe it or not,

it's a marketing tool to say same size as the bun.

Wow, it's really soft, it's like bending and pliable

Right outta the gate just looking at this this to me

is a lower quality hotdog.

I don't like that.

You see juice, I'm not seeing any juice.

As you can see, it seems dry, pale.

There's not much flavor coming from it at all.

Beef fat has a higher melting point

and it also is just like firmer at room temperature.

Whereas chicken fat

and pork fat kind of tend to smear,

which can make a softer texture

And also an indication of a lesser quality hotdog

it kind of feels to me like there's a bunch of things added

to this that aren't meat.

They could have put something in it like corn starch

that's supposed to stabilize an emulsion

but sometimes can add like a pasty, gritty texture.

All indications so far are

that this is a very inexpensive hotdog to me.

Made with chicken pork.

I've never heard of Bar-S.

This is made with chicken pork added to the beef.

That is something that would drive the cost down,

especially at a time when beef is at an all-time high.

[Director] Guess how much that is?

$4? Nope.

$2! No.

Dollar nine nine.

Apparently this whole package is $1.29.

Hold on, $1.29.

No way!

I didn't think you could get anything for $1.29 anymore.

The ingredients are listed in the order of prominence.

First ingredients are the chicken and then water

and then corn syrup, salt and then pork

and beef doesn't come till fourth or fifth.

It's mechanically separated chicken.

So the mechanically separated stuff is where

that really bad wrap of the lips

and assholes is coming from.

The bones are forced through this like high powered sieve

that squashes all of that soft tissue

and any meat scraps left over off of the bone

and it's makes sort of like this paste.

But actually, I mean I think mechanically separated meat

is like kind of cool because it helps with you know waste

and kind of getting everything you can out of an animal.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Snake River Farms

American Wagyu Beef Gourmet Frankfurters.

Now that is the right meat to bun ratio.

This is a big dog.

This is probably the thickest hotdog

that we've gotten so far today.

[Cara] Visually it looks a fancier

like more premium hotdog because it's very plump.

Let's just see, snap for everyone.

Well, pretty good snap, casings not falling apart.

There's only two styles of natural casings

that are gonna ever be used in making a hotdog.

It's either a lamb or sheep,

which is gonna be that skinnier style hotdog

similar to that Nathan's or that Sabrett's that we saw.

Or if you're gonna stay within the natural casings

and you wanna hotdog that's a little bit thicker

or wider, the next step up would be into a pork casing.

I'm like kind of scared of this one. I don't know why.

Ooh, no reason to be scared.

That's moist. Good flavor.

This is all beef and all in all it's this is a great hotdog.

The texture's got that nice sort of bouncy, juicy, spongy.

I'm getting all that seasoning,

the garlic, the onion, the paprika, the nutmeg a little bit,

faint smoke flavor but not overwhelming.

It has a funny taste to it.

I don't love the flavor,

but I can't exactly pinpoint why,

it doesn't taste like a traditional hotdog.

For a traditional hotdog, it's generally scraps.

The thing that gives it the bad reputation

is actually the thing that I like the most

about hotdogs and sausages.

This is a more marketable higher price point,

all-beef hotdog like something that's marketed

as an Angus hotdog or maybe even a Wagyu hotdog.

I wanna say it's like Snake River Farms or something.

Oh my God, I fid it! I got it!

Man, you guys are sparing no expense here.

This is American Wagyu.

Wagyu is something that has become very popular

in the last 10 years.

Wagyu literally translates to Japanese cow.

They have much higher marbling throughout

In America we created American Wagyu,

which is basically a cross breed of Japanese Wagyu cattle

with a type of cattle in in the States like Angus cattle.

Wagyu production is still gonna create scraps

that they can't use.

So this is a smart way to do it.

I don't believe any of this experience had to do

with it being Wagyu beef.

These folks have got the spice block down.

I think that Snake River Farms did a great job in marketing.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Oscar Mayer, Classic Wieners.

The tiny guy,

especially after the last one,

Probably like an inch shorter than the bun.

The color of it is a little bit more pale.

It's hard to compare the last hotdog to this

just 'cause of the size alone.

It also has this like slit down the middle,

which usually can happen when you're using a cellulose

casing that's peeled off.

No snap, definitely not beef.

It's very plump and it's firm.

It's not juicy.

I do taste a hint of like

what tastes like maybe liquid smoke.

There's no balance of flavor here, it's just bland.

Definitely not as undesirable as the Yes brand

that we had earlier, but it's definitely not as good

as the Snake River Farms that I just had.

When other types of meat are used in a hotdog

besides beef, like poultry, you won't get the bounce

or the sponginess that a hotdog is supposed to have.

Traditionally speaking,

the wieners being from Austria were made

always with a blend of meats.

Whether that makes them a different category of hotdog

or not I think it's probably debatable.

I think the bigger debate is a hotdog a sandwich or not?

Yeah, it's an Oscar Mayer Wiener.

Because wieners are made with chicken, turkey and pork.

It is a hundred percent tasty.

That's what it says! [giggling]

I didn't say it.

And it says mechanically separated chicken,

mechanically separated turkey and pork.

You have to list it as mechanically separated.

Those claws don't just grab protein, they grab cartilage,

they grab some bone, they grab the connective tissue

that holds the muscle to the bone.

They're still edible,

but they're just not the most desirable cuts.

So lower price point, lower flavor, lower experience.

But check off the box of,

we had hotdogs at our picnic, sure.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

Impossible Beef Hotdog.

Ooh, look at this weird looking thing.

This definitely looks like an alternative meat hotdog.

Let's just see,

snap and juiciness, yeah, I don't see any casing here.

No snap, no bounce.

This doesn't taste like meat. That was strictly horrible.

No, it's not nice. Oh man, it doesn't taste good.

It is a pasty, it's not spongy at all.

When you push down on this, it's not pushing back.

If there is meat in there,

there's an equal amount of filler.

It doesn't have the same capability to like utilize scraps

and make use of any kind of waste.

So if somebody that has living a meatless diet

and they're eating this, they're getting not even close

to what the flavor profile texture

or the enjoyment, the sheer enjoyment of what a hotdog is.

To me, this tastes like Impossible.

Impossible.

Meat from plants.

Well, how could it be both?

The second ingredient is wheat gluten.

But it's basically just a textural thing

that's made from wheat that has a chew and a pull to it.

If you really want a hotdog and you're,

you don't eat meat, have something else.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Ball Park a hundred percent Beef Franks.

It's super soft again and I can see

that slit I was talking about

where you can tell it's a peeled cellulose casing.

Looks kind of plump, kind of out of the gates,

to me, this is like a probably a Ball Park hotdog,

plumps when you cook 'em.

It looks like it could be an all beef or a beef blend.

Right away, what I'm worried about is

again that pasty, bland look.

But actually like has a nice flavor.

It's got some juice in there. Not super bouncy.

It's definitely not firm.

There is no snap in that hotdog.

But it surprises me that it has some kick of flavor.

It's deceiving because it looks a little dry.

But see when you push it, it is juicy.

I would say this is a balanced and juicy hotdog.

Maybe like a Ball Park.

Their ingredient list is quite small.

Beef, water, corn syrup, salt, lactates,

hydrolyzed beef stock.

Hydrolyzed beef stock is like beef stock

that went through hydrolysis.

You have these bones like you've taken every little piece

of meat off of them.

What do you now do with the bones?

Well cook them off into stock

and then use it as an ingredient.

Basically it's a process of creating

that umami-like rich beefy flavor,

Which I think is why I like the flavor so much.

Yeah, I grew up on these, I think they're great.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

Kirkland Beef Hotdogs.

Wow, this one has a very nice color to it.

It's a little bit bigger than the bun.

It smells very much like a hotdog.

A hotdog, very cylindrical.

Again, indicative of a non-natural casing.

Breaking this in half stays the right color,

like that's the right pink.

See how moist that is?

See how that color is, that's beautiful.

Pretty good snap.

Really great, balanced flavor.

This a really good hotdog.

Altogether, that's a great hotdog.

This is kind of evoking a lot of nostalgia for me

of like another similar to that Ball Park frank

that we had earlier.

The outside texture is really nice.

I like the crunch behind it. It's really juicy.

You couldn't make something like this

from finely textured beef or mechanically de-boned beef.

Pretty up there in terms of like meat, beef flavor,

Not my favorite.

I prefer the Nathan's

because this one didn't have a casing on it.

Is this a Costco hotdog?

This is a Kirkland Costco hotdog, the Holy Grail

Costco makes more money on their subscriptions,

their card member carrying services than they do

on the actual markup on the products they sell,

and the individual hotdog they sell at the checkout

is deliberately sold for a very low price point,

it's considered something that's called a lost leader,

meaning they lose money on that hotdog

but they do it because sometimes it actually

brings people in.

Minimalistic packaging.

They don't need to say much

because Costco's brand recognition is already strong

and people already know they love this hotdog.

The co-founder of Costco said,

If you raise the effing price on the hotdogs,

I will kill you, so figure it out, and they figured it out.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Boar's Head Uncured Beef Frankfurters.

I'm a sucker for like a,

the long ones that come out the bun.

You can see the little end

and the natural casing that's on it.

I like its regular shape already

so it's not completely cylindrical.

This is a sheep casing.

There was definitely a love put into making this hotdog.

Good snap, good juice.

Firm and spongy.

This hotdog has great flavor, it has great seasonings.

I like the garlic, I think it's well balanced.

I really like this one,

I think it has a really nice meat-forward flavor.

It's got some umami to it. It's got some smoke to it.

Definitely not as juicy as the Nathan's one.

This to me tastes like a iconic New York City,

like Jewish deli-style hotdog.

Oh duh, yeah, Boar's Head.

I'm not surprised that this is Boar's Head.

Boar's head has been around for a very long time.

Looking at the ingredient list, it's really short.

When the ingredient list is smaller,

it's usually an indication of a higher quality product.

So the price point on Boar's Head

is probably gonna be more expensive for two reasons.

First and foremost, they're probably the most

name-recognized brand on the market

when it comes to curd meats or deli meats.

They're also a vertically integrated company,

meaning that every aspect

of the ingredient list is produced within their brand.

So they're going to be using higher quality ingredients

throughout this process to make this premium hotdog.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Hebrew National Beef Franks.

This has a really nice color.

Not much snap but the color

and the juiciness is there.

Really juicy hotdog.

When you feel it in the casing, it feels very like bouncy.

The casing is mush. There's not much to it.

When you actually bite into it,

it's a little like soft and grainy.

I feel that the flavor is off.

Super, super salt forward.

I think the browning on this one actually

was like most of the flavor that I was tasting.

So all the hotdogs we've had here today

have all been grilled.

But that's not the only way you can cook a hotdog, right?

You can griddle 'em, you can steam 'em, you can boil 'em,

you can put 'em on a stick and put 'em over a campfire.

The browning of meat is the Maillard reaction.

So that's the reduction of sugars, the increase in flavor.

If you boil a hotdog,

I remember my mom doing that many times,

that casing can get a little tough, a little chewy

and you don't have the real same end product.

Is it Hebrew National? Is it Hebrew National?

Got Hebrew National.

I'm broken-hearted to say that it wasn't my favorite.

[Matt] Made with a hundred percent kosher beef.

Kosher is a, you know,

a set of dietary laws for Jewish people.

They generally use in kosher butchery

like only the fore quarter of the animal

and not the hind quarter.

It's actually less than that because of that half,

there are some that don't qualify to be kosher.

That all adds to the premium price of Hebrew National.

It's a perfectly good hotdog. It's just very salty.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Trader Joe's Uncured Beef Hotdogs.

This is glistening, very juicy, very fatty-looking.

Not a great snap.

It doesn't really have that sort of bouncy, spongy,

firmer texture to it.

Got very good flavor.

I'd say the only strange thing is

just from this like skin,

there's like some holes that maybe happened

during the stuffing process that's leading

to like a little bit of slackness and like wrinklies.

I don't believe that this was dried enough.

The casing is sort of watery and falling apart.

This to me might be like a, like a Walmart brand

or some sort of like store brand.

Or Trader Joe's, not a fan.

I love Trader Joe's.

I don't necessarily love your hotdog.

The thing that's interesting about Trader Joe's is

that they like white label things

so like this could very well be made

by like Hebrew National.

Ingredients.

[Cara] We've got all beef, smoke flavor added,

which I don't love.

No nitrates or nitrites.

Citrus flour, that's another fun thing.

It's literally ground up pith and peel from citrus.

Citrus flour is very commonly added

as a natural preservative in lieu of the sodium diacetate.

I love everything Trader Joe's

'cause that's why I'm like shocked

that this is Trader Joe's.

I've really yet to have anything from Trader Joe's.

I haven't just loved.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Oscar Mayer's Stuffed Cheese Hotdogs.

Ooh, this one has cheese in it, I think.

I love a cheesy dog.

I think a cheesy dog is a beautiful thing.

Much is missing.

[Matt] Color-wise, does not look like it's made

with all beef.

That's cheesy. No snap.

There's not a ton of juice in here either,

but I think this is definitely pork or chicken.

Cheese in hotdogs is typically processed

with high temperature melting point cheeses.

To make a cheese stuff dog

you'll just make a hotdog in the normal way,

like get your emulsification.

Once it's emulsified they'll then whip in tiny cubes

of different cheeses.

It has a bouncy texture,

but almost like distractingly so.

But I think when whipping it in again what happens is

that emulsified product is now getting another rework

and that's what makes it very bland in texture.

It's more like a bologna than it is a hotdog.

It couldn't be Oscar Mayer again is it.

But our most commonly consumed brand today,

Oscar Mayer, who typically does dominate the hotdog market,

pasteurized prepared cheddar cheese product.

That probably means that it's not real cheese,

but is American cheese real cheese?

You can find a better cheese dog on the market.

[package thunks] [plastic rustling]

[Presenter] Applegate Organic Uncured Turkey Hotdog.

Here's our next hotdog.

It doesn't have a casing on it, it's peeled,

Not so bad on size,

but meat should taste like it smells.

It's giving me a fake meat smell.

If this hotdog tastes like it smells,

it's gonna be horrible.

No mas, no mas.

Mm. I don't like that one.

Very spongy in not a good way.

Kind of dry in the same sense again.

I mean you can see like this emulsification is so tight.

This could be something that's more

of like a turkey hotdog maybe potentially.

I see the spices but I'm not tasting them.

I'm mostly tasting salt and like a, like poultry I think.

The thing that's a little bit more of a miss

is just merely the sort of the texture

and the juiciness of it.

I think that this is probably an Applegate product.

Applegate!

[Cara] Uncured turkey hotdog.

Even for turkey, I like turkey.

I wouldn't eat it in this product.

$10 a pack.

Applegate is not cheap.

Turkey hotdogs technically may be a little bit healthier

for you because they're gonna be lower in fat

and cholesterol than beef.

But a hotdog is, again, there's a lot of sodium,

there's a lot of fat

and it's not something that you probably wanna be eating

every single day of the week.

Now let's check the ingredients on this.

[Cara] Oh, so there's baking soda in here.

Instead of using the sodium phosphates,

you can use baking soda as a way from moisture retention

to make the hotdog be juicier.

But I do like that it's humanely raised

and when you read these type of attributes on a package

and you have this little USDA circle down here,

you can believe what's on this package.

[Presenter] Now let's see which products

our experts like the most and the least.

So for me, my top two favorites.

First in the natural casing category is going to be.

[hands tapping]

[Cara] The Nathan's Coney Island All Beef Hotdog.

For me it's just that iconic flavor,

that texture, that snap.

Really juicy, really bouncy, just a perfect hotdog.

For skinless hotdogs

I have to go with the Costco brand, it was just so good.

Kirkland, they're consistent, big juicy,

really well flavored, that smokiness to it.

Just a delicious skinless hotdog.

You definitely can't go wrong.

My favorite today was the Snake River hotdog.

It had the right spice block consistency

and the texture was perfect.

Most importantly, the meat-to-bun ratio was perfect.

It was a real wide hotdog and it fit that bread perfectly.

There's always gotta be a loser guys.

And as much as I hate to hate,

I have to say that first place loser

is that Impossible hotdog.

[Cara] The texture was really difficult

and it didn't have any juiciness, fattiness, richness.

Smelled like chemical.

It tasted worse.

Who knew there was so much to talk about

about hotdogs from whether they're natural casings

to skinless to whether they're made with beef

or made with chicken, turkey and pork,

or if they're made with impossible blends.

Hotdogs get a bad wrap.

But at their core they're a beautiful thing.

They help us utilize scraps

and make meat eating more sustainable.

hotdogs are an American pastime.

We share them with our friends.

They're easy to make.

I am full hot, I, this, the sodium overwhelming

on my palate right now is like.

[Director] We need like douse you in water now.

Well, if I were to go take my blood pressure

they'd probably be like,

Hey, we gotta get this guy some Lipitor or something.