50 More People Try to Dice an Onion

I have chopped zero onions in my life.

I buy them chopped.

[horns playing]

Ah. Onion.

What would you like me to do with this?

Oh, dicing an onion.

Okay, my mom's gonna be disappointed.

You need one knife, one onion,

and anti-crying gear.

Let's start by cutting the little butts off.

And then cut off the head.

Cut the tops and the bottoms off.

Sounds like every night at the gay club for me.

Tada!

Do you peel this stuff off?

Peel your onion,

and then start crying

like you're watching a soap opera.

[groaning]

I'm taking off most of the onion, though.

Oh it's so wet.

I've read the comments.

They do not like waste.

And I've also been told by many 12-year olds

that I am completely incompetent.

I feel like I wish you had a chopper

where I just throw it in and it just chops up.

Go in the middle.

[chopping]

[chopping]

Okay, I cut the onion,

now what am I gonna do with the onion?

Dice it, dice it.

Probably should've taken the skin off first.

I'm sorry mom.

Pretty sure, what's his name,

the professional chef, Gordon Ramsay,

is turning over in his grave.

Will it take me until tomorrow? Probably.

But that's okay.

Way too big.

[laughing]

I don't know whose hand they're for.

There's like some people that go.

[screams]

Just run the knife over it.

Bam, bam, bam.

[making noises]

Now if you're looking for it diced like square,

I think we're out of luck.

There's some fun tools here.

What is this?

Garlic press?

Oh what fun!

I've never tried to dice with a pizza slicer.

So you make your nice strips.

Okay, let's see what happened. Ah.

Not even close.

There we go.

This is cooking 101 guys.

Oh!

Le onion.

This is a yellow onion.

If you sautee it, it gets sweeter,

if you eat it raw you will cry.

I'm gonna show you how to dice an onion.

That's something that's gonna clear out a room,

so what you wanna do is prepare yourself.

Get yourself some tissues and put them in your nostrils.

First thing you wanna remember is

always leave your roots on.

Your roots lock everything together.

There's probably a million other things

you could use here to do it,

but I just think a knife is the best thing.

Identify the stem up here, the top,

and we're gonna slice off just that stem.

Now we have a nice flat surface.

We're just gonna cut it in half through the root.

Take one layer off, not too much.

And once you peel off the onion,

you can start your chopping.

Now, to dice our onion, first thing,

turn it so that root is pointing toward you.

Take your knife and make a series of parallel cuts

going straight up and down.

Gonna just go ahead and cut little slices

all in the side like this.

Turn it sideways.

And then, we're gonna cut lengthwise

down this way.

So it'll be even.

You wanna take a grip, like a tiger claw.

As thin as you can, and go over the onion.

Watch your fingers.

You just cut that going down like this.

It doesn't matter, it's all gonna be cooked later.

And then I'm going to cut it into pieces.

Even smaller pieces.

We're gonna just go ahead, cut it.

And look, just like that you have your little dices.

90 degrees.

Oh, it works. I like that.

Then flip it once you have a little bit left,

and boom boom boom boom.

All right diced onions,

is something a little bit bigger than minced,

but not too big of a chunk.

Just small enough where it gets stuck in your teeth.

That's what diced is.

I have still not cried.

Protective eyewear totally works.

And then when you start slicing real thin,

you're dicing an onion.

Voila. You nice, man.

I always make the ladies go hey.

You know what's even better?

Is that you have a Slap Chop here.

Woohoohoo! Now we're moving!

I mean,

let's do this.

[music playing]

Today what we're gonna do is dice an onion,

and there's more than one way to do this.

So the first thing that we're gonna do

is cut the onion from stem to root.

So I'm gonna find the root of the onion,

that's the little furry part right here

and I'm just gonna come

right through the center of that onion.

So I've got two matching halves.

Take the skin off.

You'll notice that I have half of the root of the onion

still in place.

I'm going to make sure that I leave that there

as I'm cutting because that's gonna hold

everything together.

So here at the top you'll see I've got a little bit

of the stem leftover right there.

So the first thing I'm gonna do is just trim off that

little piece of the stem.

And then I'm gonna make a horizontal cut.

I might make two or three.

Now what you'll notice is when I made those cuts,

I didn't actually come all the way

through the onion, right.

I came almost through the onion, and then I stopped

when I got close to the root.

The next thing I'm gonna do is turn the onion

so that the root is facing away from me.

And I'm just going to make vertical cuts.

The last step here is I'm gonna turn the onion

one more time,

and I'm gonna come back through that grid

that I just cut, and what I'm gonna end up with

is a bunch of diced onions.

So that's our sort of traditional way

to dice an onion.

We'll move onto a slightly more modern version.

The next thing we're gonna do we're gonna take

the other half, I'm gonna go ahead

and trim off just the stem.

Remember that onions have layers anyway,

so we're gonna use those to our advantage

to help us dice the onion.

I'm gonna follow the natural lines that exist

on that onion.

And I'm going to make cuts but instead of coming

straight down I'm just gonna follow those lines,

working my way all the way around the onion.

Once I have this cut like this I can come right through

and just like the other onion you'll see

that it's nicely diced.

There we go, two different versions of diced onion.

The end result, should be the same,

but the process we used to get there

is a little bit different.

Did I do it?

Perfect.

Beautiful, beautiful, magnifique.

[classical music]

[classical music]