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Today in Eye-Roll-Inducing Convenience Products: herbs, in a oil spray bottle. Well, not herbs, exactly. Inside the spray can is a mixture of canola oil and essential oils in flavors like rosemary, oregano, cilantro, and garlic. The brand, Simply Beyond, is confident that "you’ll use [the product] in such a life-changing way, you’ll hardly ever miss fresh herbs again." Their life-changing suggestions include spraying these oils on salads, pizzas, meat, popcorn, eggs—pretty much on anything you'd like to coat in strong-smelling film.
After giving these a shot, I'm going to stick to fresh herbs—basil oil ain't got nothing on the real thing—but I've thought up a few ways I can use these super-pungent spray herbs.
- Spraying on my dead herb garden to convince myself it's still alive
- Spritzing onto steaks, which I will then trick my vegan friends into eating
- Dousing on fast food to create some semblance of eating vegetables—love that placebo effect
- Using the garlic flavor as a dewy face spray that doubles as vampire repellant
- Spraying in conjunction with a lighter to use as an herbaceous flame thrower for catcallers
- Use in place of satanic coconut oil, worry less about dying young
- Replacing bathroom air fresheners with the complex scent of oregano
- Playing God and giving new life to flavorless, limp bodega herbs
- Spraying on food to ruin it
If you think of any other uses, let me know—I've got a whole lot of these cans lying around, and I just can't bring myself to toss them.
This salad is made of fresh herbs—no spraying required.
