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If you're looking to spend $495 all in one place this holiday season, does Neiman Marcus ever have a deal for you: the luxury retailer is selling a frozen, pre-prepared Thanksgiving meal for just that amount—not including shipping, which costs an extra $32. Alternately, for $495, you could purchase this handsome Billy Reid alligator belt or, alternately, the Chapo, a lamp designed to look like a hat rack that's advertised as "equal parts light and theater." Or you could simply pay the rent on this studio apartment in Rochester, New York for a month.
On the Neiman Marcus website, the Thanksgiving meal is billed as "exclusive," which will comfort consumers who were worried about sharing, I guess. It's also described as available in "multi colors." This dinner serves eight. Eaters looking for a discount may consider instead the less traditional hickory-smoked ham meal, available at half size for a relative steal of $250; it's furthermore been discounted, currently selling at 25 percent off.
In the "Home" section of its website, Neiman Marcus sells dishes a la carte, so if you're in the mood for broccoli-cheese casserole, you can find that available to purchase for $65 (serves four to six), plus $15.50 for shipping. (These items ship frozen and need to be reheated.) A "baked bean medley" is available for $80. And as everybody on the internet knows this week, Neiman Marcus has also made available a collard greens side—seasoned with bacon and "just the right amount of spices"—for $66 (plus shipping), which is probably a world-historical record in the collards market.
What could possibly account for such costs? Well, with high-quality foods, it's all about the ingredients. And Neiman Marcus spares no expense. Organic? Free-range? Forget about it; we're past that now. The broccoli that will wind up in that $80 broccoli-cheese casserole is massaged twice a day by experienced Japanese farmhands, and watered with craft beer. The breadcrumbs? Hand-crushed by Hansel and Gretel.
Four personal-sized chicken pot pies for $75? You're not just getting any plain old pot pie. The pastry is made with caul fat and flour that's been milled in the teeth of a fifth-generation Idaho wheat grower. He only has three teeth left so the process is time-consuming. The $80 (plus $18 shipping) "Baked bean medley"? The dish sings a selection of classic hits, including "Cracklin' Rosie," as you eat it.
Vegetarian options? Neiman Marcus has got you covered! For instance, this pan of wild-mushroom lasagna, which serves six people and costs $90, plus $18 shipping. Let me amplify that a bit for comic effect:
THIS LASAGNA COSTS ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT DOLLARS AND IT ONLY SERVES SIX PEOPLE.
But who knows? Your guests might love it. And your options are dwindling, anyways: the Neiman Marcus collard greens are all sold out.
